I have been struggling lately.
I guess I can blame pinterest or facebook or blogs or the internet in general, but I have been feeling like a lousy mother (and this is not one of those posts to encourage you to say "no, you're not!- 'cause those posts drive me crazy).
When I was teaching, I would dream about the day I would be a "stay at home mom". I would keep the house clean. I would cook dinner every night. I would enjoy going grocery shopping. I would do a daily craft with my child and have indoor and outdoor playtime. I would structure the time, so it would be organized- breakfast, playtime, craft, lunch, more playtime, puzzles, nap... And when they were a little older, we would do fun (but educational) activities every day. During the summer, we would swim every day, like I did as a child. Mark would get home from work, and we would tell him about our day and sit down to a home cooked meal.
Shortly before I had Delaney, I co-started a jewelry business. It was going to be great- a little extra income on the side, so I could still stay at home when I had kids, but didn't have to work in the evenings at a retail job for some extra cash. What is amazing is a few months before it started, I specifically remember praying,
"LORD, help me to find a job that I can do from home- that I can use my creativity and artistic skills and still provides us extra income."
The Lord answered my prayer.
He ANSWERED my prayer.
Almost four years later, and Tag...You're It is BOOMING. My sister and I hired my father to help us last fall and recently hired my mother to help us also. We are moving to a new house next month because we needed more room for JEWELRY (and another baby, but mainly the jewelry I think). I am currently sitting here with an open queue of roughly 380 orders I need to go stamp for Father's Day. I know the Lord has blessed the business in huge ways, but...
Sometimes I want to quit. Sometimes I feel like I need to spend every hour of every day in a hands-on activity with my toddler. It seems the mantra of the mommy society today is "simplify" and "less is more" and that being busy is always bad and something that needs to be avoided.
However, I have been reading the versus of the Proverbs 31 woman a lot lately. If you are unfamiliar, you can find it HERE.
She is a woman I strive to be like and yet, that woman is busy.
I mean she is BUSY!
She is up when it is still dark and goes to bed super late. She works with her hands. She makes stuff, and sells it (that's my favorite part). She seems to dabble in real estate and farms the land she buys. She is not lazy, she speaks with wisdom, and she FEARS the LORD. She is not relaxing anytime soon, and I don't know if she was able to do a daily pinterest craft with her toddler, 'cause she is too busy making them clothes to wear and feeding the poor.
I am not saying this as an excuse to not spend time with your kids. Holy Moly, I still usually cry a little in the car if Del spends the night with her grandparents one evening every few months and she is almost three. I just think that sometimes I think that being busy means I am being unbiblical. That a good mom spends all of her time in a hands-on activities, like working puzzles with her child, cooking nutritious meals and never has to tell her child "go watch your movie, I have to get this work done".
I like to remember that the Proverbs 31 woman is busy and her children and husband STILL call her blessed. I know I am not superwoman. I know that I am not even the Proverbs 31 woman. And I know that worry, anxiety, and stress are NOT things I want in my life and are not of God. But if I am trusting in Him and trying to do everything for His glory, including working from home and raising a family, he will give me the energy and ability to balance it all.