Our baby boy was "born still" October 10th- I will be honest- I don't like that phrase. Something about it, I don't know, I just don't like it. Maybe I feel like it is sugar coating the reality of the situation.
Anyway, right after Sawyer died, we knew we wanted to get tattoos. Luckily, we decided to get them the night of the circus, so Delaney had her own tattoo to share, which says "the greatest SHOW on EARTH".
We wanted "I will go to him", which is part of
2 Samuel 12:23, which describes how David feels after his new baby dies.
"But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me."
It is just a reminder that our baby WILL be in heaven and we will see him again.
The tattoo artist couldn't fit "I will go to him" on my arm, since I didn't want it taking up the entire arm. So, I just went with his name and eventually, I will probably put the verse on my other arm. On a lighter note, the tattoo artist's name was Boner. When I texted my mom in a panic right before it was my turn, the conversation went like this
"mom...Mark is getting his done now. I'm next. The guy's name is Boner, so..."
"...Well, Woody from Toy Story has a questionable name and he seems like a nice guy, so don't be too quick to judge."
That definitely helped my nerves and the tears that accompanied them.
Delaney had some much needed cousin time when her Hawaiian cousins came to visit over Christmas. Mark's brother and wife live in Hawaii, so we don't get to see them very often. They had an absolute blast, including a movie night. They lasted at least 30 minutes before they were ready to get up and play...
AND we live in Indiana, so we dealt with THIS last week. This was the beautiful day of 12" of snow when we were able to play and sled. The next day, the temperature dropped to -14 or so...we didn't leave the house for a few days. I then developed cabin fever, and almost died from it.
Mark and I celebrated our 10th anniversary a few weeks ago! I was married at 19, but it was more
common back then...oh wait, no it wasn't. at all. We've moved five times, dealt with a deployment to Afghanistan, both graduated from college, held multiple jobs, suffered a miscarriage, gave birth to a BEAUTIFUL baby girl, and are currently dealing with the death of our stillborn baby boy. We've had a lot happen in ten years, but we look the exact same as we did in the picture...just humor me.
I can't get over the beauty of this picture. Delaney was wearing her hot pink Mardi Gras style glitter mask and was playing with my phone. I found this photo today- she somehow put on a black and white filter and snapped this selfie. Even though her eyes are black, there is something about it that I love.
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